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[04 / 18 / 09 @ 11:37am] It's been a long time since I've taken the time to really write anything and I feel like a bum for not keeping this up to date. I was always pretty good at that, though. A separation, a divorce and relocation will do that to you, right? I guess I'm somewhat justified for having not written but I'm going to take the time to write more often, now. It's been months since the divorce was finalized and longer since we've been separated. In all honesty, I'm not happy about it, I'm not mad about it, I feel almost indifferent. Could that be worse? I suppose it could be but I don't think I'm indifferent because I don't care but rather because I would prefer us being separated then putting the girls through all the drama. It's healthier for everyone involved for us to be separated and not bickering and fighting in front of the girls every night. I can say that I tried, though. I know that I had the fault in the majority of this, I can honestly fess up and admit to that. I cheated. I lied. I have no problem owning what I did. I have my own set of issues that I needed to work out and never did. I never saw a therapist as I should have, I never tried to work things out with Allison before it got to far, I never explain to her how I felt about things. I own that but when I was ready to deal with all of it, she couldn't get over it. She would say that she didn't care, that she wanted to move on and stay as a family. Any little thing would happen and a fight would break out, though. I would be ten minutes late from practice and I was fucking someone. I would go to the store and I was fucking someone. She thought ... that I was always fucking someone. She isn't stupid, she caught me because she is smart, and you would figure ... she would be able to do it again if I was even up to it again. I wasn't. I was doing what I promised and everything was still a problem. We really can't be around each other still. Whether it's hard feelings, we're still bitter, I'm scared of her lashing out again in front of the girls -- the last thing I want is for her to put things in the girls head and they hate me, too. I know I fucked up and I'll have to deal with that but I've never stop being a good father because of it and I don't want my girls to be affected because of our relationship. Work has been decent. We're working in training camp, getting things together, getting things settled for the start of the new season. We started out great last year and toward the end of the season ... crashed. We could have won our division and we didn't. Almost everyone has come in for voluntary training camp and we're ready to get working -- hopefully we have a better season this year. Hopefully, this year ... in general will bring better things. Comment

[06 / 03 / 08 @ 01:15am] ( Jackson Terry -- Information ) Comment

[04 / 08 / 08 @ 04:41pm] 1. What's your middle name? Don't have one. 2. When you're at the grocery store do you use the self checkout? Allison always did it. I was eatting a lot of take out for a while. 3. Where will you be 12 hours from now? About to wake up to go run and work out. 4. Is it easy for others to make you feel intimidated? No. I'm not scared to deal with what comes at me. 5. Do you know what you are going to wear tomorrow? Whatever Allison takes out for me. 6. Where's your girlfriend/boyfriend at? My wife is home? I think. I talked to her earlier and she was going home. 7. Are you on a desktop or laptop? Desktop at the facility. 9. Does anyone hate you for no reason? I don't know and don't give a fuck. 10. Can you make yourself cry? At our therapists office. Make myself look like a big victim. 11. What are you planning to do today? Go home and try to get some cutty from the old lady. 12. What does your last incoming text say? "Get home" I think? 13. Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? Yeah. I wouldn't be a dick. -- For the wife. :D 14. What are your favorite colors? Black. 15. Have you ever had your nails done? No. 16. Where did you get the underwear you are wearing right now? Wherever Allison got them from. 17. Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with the letter D? Maybe. 18. Have you ever passed out? When I got knocked the fuck out last season. 19. What are you doing tomorrow? Going to my weekly appointment with our therapist. 20. Are you easily confused? What kind of question? Be specific. Allison confuses me, football doesn't. 21. Do you think you would make a good wife/husband? I am a good husband. Allison doesn't think so, though. 22. What's your favorite kind of ice cream? That one joint from Cold Stone with the vanille ice cream, and chocolate brownies, fudge. 23. Have you ever had alcohol? Yeah, who over 16 hasn't? 24. Are you taller than 5'4"? A little bit. About six-threeish? 25. Have you ever liked someone who treated you like crap? Right now, yeah. Before? I would've cut a bitch off. 26. Is your current hair color mostly your natural hair color? Yeah, why would I dye my hair? 27. What color are your socks? Football socks, white, dress socks? Depends on the suit. 28. Has anyone ever borrowed something from you and never returned it? I go and get my shit. So, nah. 29. Do you fall for people easily? Uh, no? 30. Everything happens for a reason? I guess. Unless it's good shit. If it's good? I did it. 31. Have you ever dated someone more than once? I married my wife twice. 32. Who have you texted in the last 24 hours? Allison, James and other random people. 33. Last thing you got in the mail? Divorce papers? Nah, uh, bills and shit. 34. Write a lyric from the song currently playing: Wrist bling, neck bling -- weddin' rang. 35. Who do you text the most? Allison. 36. Do you find members of the opposite sex confusing? Fuck yeah. 37. Last time you saw number 1 on your friends' list? I don't MySpace. Allison handles my MySpace. Checking for bitches. 38. What are you listening to right now? She Got It, T Pain, 2Pistols. 39. Where is the furthest place you've traveled? London, England. 40. Do you like your parents? Yeah, my mom ... sometimes. 41. Is there something you wish you could tell someone but can't? Yeah, but I like my head where it's at. 42. What is your biggest turn off? DARK HAIR!!! 43. Do you miss someone? My grandmother. Comment

[03 / 13 / 08 @ 05:16pm] I had Abby for almost a week. Just us. It was good to spend that much time with her, I just had Allison calling to check on her. Like I'm not capable of taking her. On Monday I picked her up at her apartment and took her to her doctors appointment. We fought the whole way there and the whole way back. Of course, smiles and shit at the doctors office like nothing was going on. I'm tired of that fake shit. We found out that we're having another girl and she's doing good. I hate the idea of all this going on while she's pregnant and shit, I'd work things out but I got served with my papers Monday after we got back. I gave them to my lawyer to look them over and such. I'll give her what she wants. She wants a divorce and not deal with things head on? She can have it. She deserves what she wants. I'll sign.  17 Comment

ROFLMAO. [02 / 25 / 08 @ 06:01pm] This reporter is funny as fuck. " The Wonderlic Test will be administered to all participants at the NFL Combine this week, and is designed to measure their intelligence. Many people, myself among them, question the relevance of this test to NFL aptitude. I don't mean to imply that football players are dumb, but let's face it, a high level of intelligence is not required to shove the man standing across from you. With that in mind, I've created an exam that I feel would be a far better indicator of how a player will perform and behave in the National Football League. That exam follows below. A time limit of 14 hours is suggested." ( The Test ) Comment

[02 / 18 / 08 @ 07:45am] My plane just landed from New York and we're about to dock to get off. I thought I'd update now why I have a chance before I get home and the fighting starts. I know it will. She was mad at me over something dumb and now she's gonna get mad because I left. I can hear the bitching already. Comment

New Charity [01 / 24 / 08 @ 09:18pm] I just touched down in Miami from a short trip to New York. I had to do a few things out there. I did an interview with Jake and Dana on First Take yesterday morning. After that I did a few things for NFL Network and then I had a meeting this morning for some new stuff. I'm probably going to do some stuff for a kids program. The NFL wants some more programs out in Miami and I've been thinking about getting something done out here. I have my charity out in Atlanta but it's about time I start doing things around here. I need to talk about to Allison about it and get things rolling as soon as I get home. We're taxi-ing on the run-way and about to deboard, I'll update later when I know what I'm gonna do. Comment

[01 / 06 / 08 @ 02:58pm] The season is finally over. With a season like this over and the names that have already been brought into the organization you think we're going to have a nice season next year. We have the number one pick in the draft, we have Bill Parcells, his General Manager from Dallas, and a shit load of other people that he wants to bring over here once the season is completely over. They fired Randy Muller, and coach Cameron. I'm indifferent about the firing of Cam. He was good and tired his best with what he had. He didn't have much to work with and he made it work to the best of his and our abilities. He never lost his cool with us, the media or the owners/board. He's a straight dude in my book. He just isn't want Bill Parcells is looking for. He wants someone he knows, someone that runs his kind of defense, his kind of offense. Besides the good shit that going on at work, I've been able to spend a lot of time with my babygirl this week. Allison has been busy with her basketball guys and I've been able to do most of the taking care of Abby. She's such a good girl. She doesn't fuss when it comes time to eat, she doesn't cry and whine alot when she's supposed to go to sleep. She complains a bit because she wants to stay up with me but she'll eventually get to sleep. I talked to James this morning and I'm watching his game right now. They're getting ripped by the Giants, they need to pull it together and they can if they just focus. I wished him luck and all that other shit. His first playoffs of his career, hopefully he'll get to next week. Next week he'll have a tough time, though. It's at the Cowboys. Comment

[12 / 17 / 07 @ 12:04pm] Keeping it real short. We won a game. It's about time. They deserved it, been working hard and never letting down. I'm gonna go home, love my wife and then ... I don't know. Probably get Cleo to come over and watch some tape. Start working on some schemes for the Pats game. Comment

All I Need [12 / 08 / 07 @ 05:28pm] How am I supposed to start this? First of all, you my queen goddess. My moon, my earth, the wisdom to a nigga’s knowledge. I swear to God it amazes me how you stay in college and still manage to raise my baby girl when I’m gone and playing making dollars assuming that you know that I love you but regardless. I feel it’s time I showed you blessed you with this ring, now that’s something that holds you down till a nigga come back. Me and my lady got history she's worth and deserves more then this cold world is given me to share with her world and I don’t care about nothing else except my girl. Not myself no one else just my girls. You bring life to my world, you give me strength to go on and face life even when it seems all hopes gone. Labeled my wife but you truly exceed the title, you're my future, my happiness, my heart, my idol. I love you, girl. Comment

[11 / 30 / 07 @ 01:49pm] The holidays are almost here and I don't have the will to be mad over the team. I've been enjoying my time with my family, especially my wife and daughter. Everything that's been going on with the Sean Taylor incident has everyone in the league on their toes. I've gotten some security people to come check out the house for anything that might be a concern in terms of someone breaking in, or anything like that. We're getting some new cameras installed. Besides all that, though? I'm just doing shit for the Holiday's and work. We got our tree yesterday and Allison bought all the stuff to decorate it. She's been at that for two days almost. Comment

[11 / 12 / 07 @ 10:34pm] I don't know what's left to say about my career or rather my team for now. I can't play, I can't make this team better really ... so, I'm just going to do what I'm supposed to do and not really dwell on how bad this season really is. Besides all that dumb shit ... my brother, Yvette and Junior are down here for a few days since it's his bye-week and shit. He was down on the sidelines with me through-out the game and I could tell in his face he wanted to crack jokes, but he knew that I'm not up for them. A few loses are okay but when you reach 0-8 it's no longer funny. It's pathetic and he just knows better. I promised Allison that if they took the kids together for us to chill and kick it with some of our niggas that we'd watch the kids tonight. They went out together, her and Yvette, and we stayed with the kids watching Monday Night Football. The game is straight, I mean ... 'Hawks and '9ers. Comment

[10 / 31 / 07 @ 12:20am] I've finally decided to put some writing in here because I was too lazy to do it over the weekend. I was to bothered to bother, you know? We left Abigail with her aunt and took off to London with the team on Thursday night last week; we slept on the flight because I had to go with the team through all the plays and shit when we landed but Allison was able to head to the hotel with the rest of the wives and finish getting some rest. Friday we didn't have anything, Saturday we had a short practice in the morning and got the rest of the day off. We did some sight seeing. Minor, but we got to see some stuff. It was nice to have some time to ourselves without Abigail there. I guess "adult time" isn't that bad, and gives us some time to start working on us again. Which is good. I've decided that I'll no longer lose sleep over the team. I'm contemplating retirement more then anything right about now, or maybe request a trade to a team where I'll be the back up and the team is actually a contender? Sounds selfish, right? I don't care anymore. The management had plenty of moves to make over the off season and really didn't. I'm pissed. ( Images from London, England ) Comment

Private Except Family & Friends. [10 / 21 / 07 @ 05:13pm] Things have gotten so far from what I envisioned in Miami. I mean everything from work, to my personal life, family life, just ... everything. I knew that the Dolphins weren't contenders, weren't even a play-off hopeful team. I don't think that I was the only thing that could've jumped them up into that category but what's going on is honestly ridiculous. With the drafting of Ted Ginn Jr, Chris Chambers, and Marty Booker you figure that'd be enough of a threat to give Ronnie Brown some running room. Things have just all been down hill, though. From bad passes, dropped balls, interceptions, fumbles to missed sacks, missed tackles, and everything that could go wrong. I'm guessing that Miami has to be paying for some kind of thing they've done wrong as an organization, because this can't be nothing else but karma. This defense was in the top ten last season in just about everything, the secondary wasn't as good as the line and the line backers, but nonetheless they were on point. How about this season they can't manage to put together one decent game where they are consistently good from start to finish? I don't plan on putting everything on the defense, because anyone that watches us on Sundays knows that the offense puts on lack luster performances every weekend. Work has just gotten really hard lately. At least before I could try to shoulder the blame, and I could make a difference if I could. Sitting on the sidelines in Dolphin basketball shorts, t-shirt, and visor I can't do shit but talk into a mic to Cleo Lemon. I feel like I can't do anything for them. I guess, maybe, they wouldn't want me to do anything for them if I could? Whatever. I'm trying to get back into focus and get back to where I need to be to give this season another run towards the end of it and get ready for next season with my head on right. As for my personal life? I don't even know what to really say. We've been on good terms for a while now, but I guess something inside me was really scared and I need time to get used to it. Things are better but not like they used to be. I'm happy because I have my baby-girl around me and I'm not real sure that I'd be able to get through all of this shit at work if I didn't get to see her everyday when I came home. I love my wife, don't get me wrong, but do I feel the same? I'm not really sure. I feel like the rift created between us is so deep that it'll take a while for it to all mend. I hope she gives it the time it needs, but knowing Allison's rash reactions? She'll probably want to pack her shit and leave. This season needs to end to give me time, peace of mind, and space to get myself together for work and for my personal things. For once ... even though I won't be in the big game? I can't wait for the Super Bowl. Means we're done. Comment

[10 / 13 / 07 @ 01:54pm] I'm going to keep this short because I don't feel like being on here to long to talk shit. Everyone knows what happened, saw what happened, has read what happened. All I do know is, though, that after all my evaluations and tests ... I'm just going to need some time off. I do guarantee that I'll be back this season, though. I was at practice on Friday and run through a few plays with Lemon, Beck, and Booker. We got a wide-receiver practicing snaps. Sad, man. Damn. Comment

[09 / 30 / 07 @ 06:08pm] This shit is embarrassing. I don't know how much more I can take. Comment

[09 / 28 / 07 @ 10:14am] Last night I had a dream that my father died. It was real weird. I woke up and got to researching what it could mean. I read this. " Dreams of death represent the ending of one phase so a new one can begin. They can show forthcoming finalities, such as the end of a marriage or career. These are symbolic dreams and unlikely to forecast an actual event. If the dead person is someone you know, consider what aspect of yourself that person represents. For example, to dream of your father dying could represent the death of the fatherly side of your own nature. Perhaps, you should try to be more caring and fraternal, or perhaps plans you have should be nurtured rather than killed off. Alternatively, you may also be expression your hidden feelings about the person. Do you secretly resent the person or have a desire to be independent of him or her? " Ain't that some shit? Comment

[09 / 22 / 07 @ 09:51pm] I really don't like being in New York all that much. Even more when I'm playing for the Dolphins. It's like the Jets and the Fins got this beef that's never ending. You'd think the Jets would get over it after all the ass whoopings Marino put on them. The game is tomorrow at one and I'm still up. I was questionable for this game because of a swollen ankle but I good to go for tomorrow. I'm just nervous. I want to win tomorrow but it seems like nothing is going our way. Plus, I miss my wife and my baby girl. Damn. Comment

[09 / 11 / 07 @ 01:12am] The game wasn't that bad. I think we just didn't do enough on offense, and I need to take that blame on myself as the leader and captain of the offensive side of the ball. A few balls [like six] were dropped, but I need to keep working on my game and making sure we play better against Dallas this Sunday. I went 24 of 38 for 219 yards and 1 Touchdown. Not all that bad. " On any given Sunday you're gonna win or you're gonna lose. The point is - can you win or lose like a man? " Comment

[09 / 07 / 07 @ 04:40pm] Things have been pretty normal around the house, or at least on there way back to that. We're just rushing a bit and trying to get back into the regular schedule for the season. I had a pretty good off-season. Personally, and work wise. They sent us the final design for the shoes, both on and off field shoes with Nike. I'm happy with the design, and colors. If these do well and the second edition we'll get a new collection of colors for these, and then we'll start on a new design for a third edition. Our first regular season game is at Washington at one on Sunday on CBS. Hah, cheap plug? I guess. I'm not sure if Allison is going, she shouldn't be flying Abby yet and I know that they're inseparable. She doesn't need to go, but if I tell her that? I don't want her to go, and I'm fucking someone else and that's why. She'll have some dramatic reason for me because I let her know that I'm fine with her not going, and she can stay at home comfortably with the baby. Comment

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